19. summersaulting

*as you crunch down the last cinnamon apple chip you realized you love him. the sun on the floorboards warms the thought. your toes curl the wood as you rise on relave. the numb dust on the window pane sweeps the idea of a boy with a bear hug of hair at the end of these words. feelings are all hot air anyway. breathes better (released).

the last person to hold scissors to my hair was my south korean friend on my dining room floor. newspapered ink on my knees informed me of the politics of homecoming royalty. i rubbed the mistaken popularity from the ridges of my skin. and then i trimmed my hair in the fourth floor sink darkness with art scissors. rubbed my eyes raw and bloodshot in the mirror. a man died on the train less than twelve hours ago.

so i wound up amongst sleeping commuters and reconsidered thoughts. the fondness whittled at daybreak. a finalized disappearing act. lungs of lies. breathing breath. the perfect combination of solar and sea. struggling against an intimate stranger. desist debauchery. a whirlwind now within me. summersaulting rocks and other dangers of youthful heartbeats.

maybe it is because i didn’t cut the shoulder pads from this button down; with the pinstripes arranged as the memory of my family in our dining room with stenciled menus slurping  ice cream. maybe it is because the lighting is vampire dim in this restaurant; the fixtures swirled like a tim burton illustration. maybe it is becuase i am having trouble spelling because. the reason. the one that has a name. needs to be effaced.

xoxo,

mute style

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14. read care(full)y

i suck the thin paper cut on (my) index finger from truth. recently reading the (body) of the bookshelf.  licking the salty poems of bianca stone. cuddling the correspondence of friendship and encouragement within “letters to a young poet.” buying excess band aids as i flip the pages of leora tanenbaum’s “i am not a slut.” the word spat on street corners near grocery stores and in school hallways. the queasiness of this word like chewing on a nerf bullet. during my afternoon of rooftop picnicking, i stare at the (composed) sky and think of childhood museum visitations. women who fell from the sky. the unembarrassed lines of figures in folds of fabric dripping from limbs. the surprise of wall to wall stone or pigment. and the DO NOT TOUCH signs. educating the value (of) supervised artwork. if only the average person walking down the street also realized themselves as precious (art).  as profuse societies. just some thoughts.

xoxo,

mute style

13. bronze and beat

this was a mistake. my heart is like a squished stress ball. it’s not the cracks in a piñata ready for fun. more like the loops of a crochet shall filtering in the oceanic cold. i dipped my hair in fire expecting it to keep myself warm. as i glimpse the wind winged seagulls, i realize that i drift often to thought patterns with you arrowed in the forefront. mush that became liquified. and evaporated into the blueness of the sky. maybe i am the opposite of clever. maybe i am roasted air that rises. maybe i want somebody. maybe i still want that somebody to be you. whatever. does any of this matter? when families are torn apart and little girls aren’t eating. the world is suffering more than the flames of my head reading a collection of romantics.

xoxo,

mute style

11. power lunch

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emergence of january.

somedays i hike in a dress. appearing like a business women marching to a forest. the twittering birds and tourists scattered along the path. power lunch tucked away. grateful i still have this sanctuary of escape. the rain heightens the greenery. the path to simplicity. i haul along my camera because of this intent necessity to create. to showcase something. something stomached. something to explicate. my pleasure with muddy soles.

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xoxo,

mute style

07. rinsed

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5:08 p.m. pst sunday, january 8, 2017

i was told “no single riders.” like a wash bin full of mushy letters. soaked to the point of lost meaning. the motion of the ferriswheel halt. my eyes jumped bitter. don’t rock the carts. murmuring bushwa to the painted walls. my addition to the stories being written on this pier. my words will end up in bargain boxes with the cover art ruined by fifty percent off stickers. some disapproved isolation. my solitude is forced into corners and fed the leftover pigeon’s bread. my sister is four states away and my heart is hidden in the clouds. the muddy tide is right there. rinsed but never clean. the panic of living incorrectly. grab the hand of a stranger with a bubble gun and shoot my mind loud. somehow required to become shrill and unhappy. it’s only me, and that statement shouldn’t seem lonely.

xoxo,

mute style